Text as a casual method of staying in touch seems to be a good thing. Many people text to maintain the relationship however studies show that men and women generally text at differing levels of intimacy. Women do not generally text about severe subjects and men even less so.

Men also tend to use texting when they are avoiding confrontation, while female texting frequency was positively associated with their own relationship stability.

Lori Schade and Jonathan Sandberg, studied 276 young adults in the US to see what communicating through texts did to their relationship. 38 percent described their relationship as serious, 46 percent were engaged, and 16 percent were married. Each of them completed a detailed relationship assessment that covered, among other things, their use of technology.

Here are a few highlights from the report they publish in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy:

  • For women: Using text messages to apologise, work out differences or make decisions is associated with lower relationship quality
  • For men: Too frequent texting is associated with lower relationship quality
  • For all: Expressing affection via text enhances the relationship

Male texting frequency was negatively associated with relationship satisfaction and stability scores for both partners while female texting frequency was positively associated with their own relationship stability scores. Texting to express affection was associated with higher reported partner attachment for both men and women.


  • Louis D. Lo Praeste, death and texting, 25 October 2017,
  • Lori Cluff Schade, Jonathan Sandberg, Roy Bean, Dean Busby, Sarah Coyne 2013: Using Technology to Connect in Romantic Relationships: Effects on Attachment, Relationship Satisfaction, and Stability in Emerging Adults, P 314-338 Published online: 28 Oct 2013
  • BYU professors Roy Bean, Dean Busby and Sarah Coyne co-authored the study with Schade and Sandberg

Tune in for more tips next week… or contact me Shane, shane@intentional-relationship.com or @ www.workofheart.net.au

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