Having an argument does not mean that your relationship is in trouble. By listening and speaking in a non-defensive fashion, avoiding criticism you can help foster healthy discussion.
Disagreements and differences are an inevitable part of life but by speaking non-defensively, this positive posture will benefit your relationship.
The following four strategies from relationship guru John Gottman will help you break patterns of negativity and take a positive approach to solving problems:
- 3. Validate what your partner says:
- Validate your partners emotions by looking at the situation from his or her viewpoint. Often, simply empathising is enough. Back you partner – take their side. You don’t have to agree or solve their problem, just validate the feeling.
- Validation foils criticism, contempt and defensiveness, areas that you should keep out of your relationship. Take responsibility for your words and actions, take a deep breath and listen, and experience the intimacy that ensues. Try it this week and notice the change.
Tune in next week for tip four and more relationship ideas.
Simply click on the Register button below relevant to your relationship – it couldn’t be easier. Once you have finished the questions you should receive your comprehensive personalised report in about 30 seconds.
The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy.
The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.