Always thinking its my way or the highway? Think again. Consider a better way, a solution that benefits you AND your partner and cooperate for mutual long-term benefit. Imagine yourself responding in a mature, wise, self controlled manner. Choose a positive response and think win/win and work effectively with your partner. Discover a better way and discover the intimacy that ensues.

Adapted for couples, this series of posts is a respectful homage to Stephen Covey and his most lasting legacy – the 7 habits. The seven habits are not a quick and easy formula for success, but together they form a powerful model for personal change. The seven habits are a step-by-step model that empower couples to be intentional, to make decisions and to act, to move towards a known destination rather than reacting to whatever is happening at the time. Emphasising the importance of self awareness before successful engagement with your partner, the model is a process of learning new habits to create personal and interpersonal effectiveness.

    Habit 4: Think win-win 
    Habit 4 is the first of the Habits dealing with what Stephen Covey calls interdependence – working effectively with your partner. This is the habit of always looking for a solution that benefits you AND your partner. It’s not your way or my way; it’s a better way, a higher way.
    In marriage, Habit 4 reminds you about how to respond to your partner. Be compassionate and share recognition and power. Through implementing Habit 1, resist criticism and contempt. Again as Gottman says, err from defensiveness and stonewalling and imagine yourself responding in a mature, wise, self controlled manner. Choose the positive response and imagine hope and faith.
    Drop the usual win-lose mentality and think abundance for both you and your partner – cooperate for mutual long-term benefit. Whilst Win/Lose is socially acceptable, reassess YOUR usual attitude. Learn and practice Win/Win in your marriage and discover the better way and the intimacy that it creates.

Tune in next week for Habit 5.

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The Couple Checkup generates deep and productive conversations that couples would not otherwise have about their relationship. These conversations restore insight and understanding about one another. The Couple Checkup can help to revive a relationship and increase intimacy. 

The Couple Checkup is an online couple assessment based on the PREPARE/ENRICH couple inventories. The Checkup assessment and Checkup report are designed to go directly to couples at any stage of their relationship (dating, engaged or married). The online system allows for dynamic customization of the assessment to each couple based on how the couple answers background questions. The goal is for the Couple Checkup to reach a more diverse group of couples, to empower couples to deal with issues on their own and to emphasize prevention over remediation.

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